


Promises

by Aberrans



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Female Condom, First Time Bottoming, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Topping from the Bottom, safe sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-30
Updated: 2015-07-30
Packaged: 2018-04-12 02:33:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4462043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aberrans/pseuds/Aberrans
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hotch knew the reasons Morgan came to him for release. What he didn't know was how it had unexpectedly turned into something more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Promises

**Author's Note:**

> For the Ficcy Friday prompt: "Morgan is always the bottom. Hotch offers to bottom because he feels guilty but doesn't really want to do it" over at hotchmorgan_cm . Unbeta'ed.

"Not the maker of plans and promises, but rather the one who offers faithful service in small matters. This is the person who is most likely to achieve what is good and lasting." --Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

 

Watching Morgan when he looked like this always sent a jolt of guilt straight to Hotch's chest. From the vantage point of his office he could look out over the bullpen and see Morgan practically hovering in his seat, supporting the majority of his weight with his legs. He shuffled uncomfortably whenever he thought no one was looking, and every time he got up to get coffee he set his face like stone. Still Hotch could see the awkward rigidity behind those casual movements. 

But Morgan never complained, not once, and he always asked for it. Always asked for more; harder and faster, hold me down, use me. Hotch knew it wasn't healthy sexual desire but something far more sinister, though they never talked about it. The few times Hotch had tried he'd ended up with a cracked head and several bruised ribs. They just didn't talk about things like that.

In fact they barely talked outside of work, despite the alarming amount of time they spent together. They always left the BAU separately but Morgan would show up on Hotch's doorstep late each evening, and Hotch was lucky if Morgan felt like eating before forcing him into the bedroom and demanding to be fucked senseless. Morgan rarely stayed over and if he did he was gone before Hotch woke up in the mornings. At first Hotch had accepted this as part of Morgan's process. He needed time and space to adjust to what they were doing and to be okay with it. Hell Hotch had needed that too. And after all, it had been Morgan's idea to keep things casual, so Hotch didn't want to pressure him into something more.

But slowly Hotch was beginning to realise that he wanted it. He wanted more of those nights where they watched tv together and drank beers and ate pizza. He wanted sex that wasn't just fuelled by the desperate desire for release. He'd been married for most of his adult life and although it had been exciting at first to be single and unrestrained he now felt like he needed to take the next step in getting over Haley, and as surprised as he was to admit this he wanted that next step to involve Morgan.

The end of the day couldn't come fast enough, but at the same time Hotch was dreading Morgan's reaction. He intended to put all his cards on the table, to move on with their relationship or whatever it was they had together, and he could only think of one way to do that. One way to let Morgan know that they were equals and they were in this together.

That night when Hotch opened the front door Morgan wasn't carrying pizza, and that was definitely a bad sign. Hotch wondered how on earth Morgan could possibly want more sex considering he'd been walking so gingerly around the office all day, but as Morgan pushed him inside and closed the door behind him Hotch found himself unable to care. 

"Hotch," Morgan breathed, his voice full of desire, and Hotch had no doubt he'd been working himself into a frenzy on the way over, desperate to release whatever tension the day had brought him.

Hotch knew exactly what to do, he let Morgan pull him gently by his tie until they were backed up against the front door, and then Morgan grabbed the back of Hotch's neck and pulled him in for a bruising kiss. Hotch hissed in pain, his lips constantly sore these days from Morgan's less-than-gentle attentions, but he didn't dare reveal his agenda just yet. He kissed back just as hungrily, forcing his tongue into Morgan's mouth and grabbing the other man’s wrists, holding them against the door and forcing Morgan to submit to him. Morgan struggled, growling angrily and thrusting his hips forward for contact. Hotch let go of his wrists and instead grabbed Morgan's hips, shoving them back against the door. Morgan let out a strangled moan, turning his head away for breath. 

"Bedroom," Morgan ordered, but he couldn't meet Hotch's eyes, like he was afraid Hotch might say no. 

A little more gently than usual Hotch turned them on the spot, leaning down and kissing Morgan's neck as they backed down the hall and into the bedroom. Morgan was about to tumble them onto the bed when Hotch grabbed his tshirt hem and yanked it up. Morgan protested, they usually never got more undressed than necessary, but Hotch was insistent and soon Morgan was topless. The younger man panted harshly, looking over Hotch's shoulder, and then he dived forward and set his teeth to Hotch's neck as unsure hands fumbled with Hotch's shirt buttons, peeling back the material as Hotch slid his tie from the collar. Morgan hesitated for a split second before pushing the shirt from Hotch's shoulders and down his arms. 

This was the first time Morgan had seen Hotch without his shirt or an undershirt on, and by the looks of it he was pleasantly surprised. Hotch tried not to blush as his cock jumped in his trousers from the look of lust on Morgan's face. So the other man did truly find him attractive, and maybe this wasn't all about release and convenience after all. Morgan caught Hotch watching him and quickly set to pushing his trousers and underwear down his hips, stepping out of them and toeing off his shoes and socks simultaneously. It was a more than familiar action for both of them and Hotch did the same until, for the first time, they stood together completely naked in the low light. 

"Fuck," Morgan breathed, diving forward and stealing the air from Hotch's lungs in a passionate kiss. 

Morgan's hands were still unsure as they touched Hotch experimentally, and not just to get him hard as Hotch had come to expect. Morgan's fingers slid down Hotch's biceps, feeling the strength there, then down his sides to his hips, making Hotch shudder. The backs of Morgan's hands trailed up again and grazed over Hotch's nipples. He felt another jolt of excitement, cock jumping between them, and Morgan groaned into his mouth and pressed their bodies closer together.

"God Hotch, fuck me," Morgan gasped, tongue licking Hotch's bottom lip tentatively, and Hotch placed his palms on Morgan's shoulders and shoved him backwards onto the bed with a bounce. 

Morgan moaned in excitement, chest heaving as Hotch straddled his waist. He watched as Morgan instinctively flung his hands above his head, waiting to be held down and used, but Hotch had other ideas. He bent down and kissed Morgan, rubbing the very tips of their erections together, and reached first into the bedside table for lube before casually sliding his hand behind his back so Morgan couldn't see what he was doing. 

This was it. He'd envisioned this moment a hundred times, debated the pros and cons of asking or even just telling Morgan what he was about to do, and after all his careful planning and preparation Morgan was so dazed by kisses and the unexpected touch of their skin that he wouldn't even notice until it was too late. 

Perfect. Hotch slid his tongue into Morgan's mouth, thrusting greedily, and reached behind himself to gently pull out the training dildo he'd been using on himself for weeks in preparation for this moment. It had taken a lot longer than he'd expected just to get up the courage to buy the stupid thing, and to think of some way to keep safe without having to roll a condom onto Morgan and give away his intentions, risking another cracked skull. Google had helped with that, and after checking to make sure the Female Condom was still in position, Hotch squeezed more lube against his entrance and shifted his hips, kissing Morgan hard to quell his own fears and doubts. This was a whole new experience for Hotch, something that terrified him to his core, but it was also something he needed to do to prove to Morgan their relationship wasn't just about Hotch being in control. Morgan was not a victim. It was only Hotch's determination to reciprocate Morgan's efforts that spurred him on.

"For god's sake Hotch just fuck me already!" Morgan growled in frustration, writhing under him as Hotch grabbed Morgan's cock and, under the pretence of touching Morgan, positioned the younger man against his ass. Hotch took a deep breath, reminded himself of all the reasons he was going this - for Morgan, for them - and gently lowered himself down.

"Hotch!" Morgan gasped, arms flying down to grab Hotch's hips as he sat a little more upright and the head of Morgan's cock breached him. "Oh fuck! Hotch! Stop!"

"Shut up," Hotch said in reply, eyes screwed shut and just trying to concentrate on breathing normally. Morgan was well endowed and despite the preparation Hotch felt overstretched.

"I..." Morgan trailed off, eyes blown wide and full of desire.

Hotch caught Morgan off guard by tweaking one of his nipples, and the younger man's eyes rolled back in his head. He gained another inch, and another, and with one more deep breath his ass met Morgan's hips and they were flush together. 

"Oh god," Morgan groaned, eyes shooting open and looking directly up at his lover. 

Hotch had never felt so self conscious. Morgan's eyes locked with his, desire and wonder and disbelief all over his face, and Hotch's cock jumped. His ass tightened too and both of them moaned at the sensation. Because Hotch had been able to feel good like this a few times when he'd practised on his own, and it was an incredible sensation coming with something so deep inside of you. He'd never been brave enough to really fuck himself however and now he was seriously regretting that oversight.

Morgan was still looking at him in awe and Hotch grunted disapprovingly, leaning down and holding Morgan's shoulders against the mattress, kissing him like the action was a battle he could win. Morgan moaned but still neither of them moved, and Hotch knew it would have to be him to extend the olive branch once again. Slowly, tentatively, he eased himself a few inches off Morgan's cock and then pushed back down. Morgan groaned, hips automatically moving to meet him, and Hotch grimaced, burying his face in Morgan's neck, breathing harshly. 

"Oh god, oh Hotch, shit," Morgan near whispered, arms roaming up Hotch’s sides and then grasping the backs of his upper arms for support. 

"Fuck me," Hotch said seductively, and although the words came out confident Hotch was terrified, and his body was already tensing in fright. 

"Jesus," Morgan moaned, and gently he arched his back and lifted his hips, and began to slide in and out of Hotch with surprising ease. Hotch bore down, pushing against the unwanted intrusion, and then suddenly gasped in pleasure.

Morgan hummed against his neck, turning his head to kiss Hotch's already abused flesh. "You okay?"

"That’s... debatable," Hotch ground out, still confused by the tight burning sensation and the aftershocks from that jolt of unexpected pleasure. 

"Oh yeah?" Morgan teased, and as if Hotch wasn't already shocked by Morgan's words, his body jerked in shock at Morgan's movements. 

"Fuck!" Hotch hissed, tilting his hips sharply and being rewarded by another shudder of pleasure as Morgan fucked him softly.

"You like that?" Morgan asked, and it sounded to Hotch like the Morgan he knew in the office, the confident man who flirted with anything that drew breath. Hotch knew then that this had all been worth it, to have the real Morgan in the room with him and not just the abused shell he was used to dominating.

"Yes," Hotch found himself groaning, just to carry on this way, to have Morgan say something other than obscenities stemming from a grotesque need created by his childhood trauma. “Please.”

"If you insist," Morgan panted and slowly he relaxed his death-grip on Hotch's arms and slid his hands down the centre of the older man's back. 

Hotch shuddered with pleasure, cock leaping against Morgan's stomach, and when Morgan's hands squeezed his ass unexpectedly he jerked and moaned, biting his lovers neck. He'd never expected it to feel this good, not from the way Morgan hissed and moaned and the way he walked afterwards. But it was good. It was incredible. Hotch shuddered as he felt lightning jolts of pleasure spike through his body, his cock heavy with need and desperate for more. Morgan sped up as Hotch continued to groan into his neck, hips jerking up and hands pulling Hotch down to meet him, and soon they were bucking together, panting harshly into the others ear.

"Ohhh fuck, oh god, so good Hotch, so fucking good," Morgan rambled, quickly losing control as he slammed home, making Hotch wince even as his cock pulsed with desire. 

"Morgan," was all Hotch could manage, his brain too addled from sensation to even think.

"I'm close," Morgan breathed against his neck, flicking his tongue out in thick stripes up Hotch’s sensitive flesh.

"Me too," Hotch agreed, laughing in surprise and then shuddering as the spot inside him that caused so much pleasure quivered insistently for more. "Harder."

Morgan groaned at that and wrapped his arms around Hotch's body, hot breath in his ear, and increased the pace again. Hotch winced and shuddered, shocks of half-pain tingling all over his skin, and it was almost enough to drive him wild. Almost. Leaning up shakily on his hands Hotch pulled back a bit and looked down on Morgan, the younger man's eyes still closed in ecstasy, and reaching between them Hotch rolled one of Morgan's nipples between his fingers. Morgan's eyes shot open as his hands shot downwards to stop him, and Hotch captured the extravagant moan with his mouth before it could echo around the room, sliding his tongue against Morgan's as they came together. Morgan's last violent thrust sent Hotch's head spinning and he called out, jerking and clenching around the hot hardness inside him and coming all over Morgan's abs. 

"Haahhh, ahhh, god... fuck," Morgan panted as Hotch collapsed on top of him, bodies slick and sticky from exertion. 

"Maybe later," Hotch mumbled into the pillow next to Morgan's head, and slowly he pushed himself up and rolled onto his back, legs trembling and barely capable of movement. 

Morgan snorted laughter and reached to the bedside table for tissues, giving Hotch a moment to discreetly remove and discard of the Female Condom, grimacing slightly at the sensation. Morgan handed him the tissues and according to routine they casually cleaned themselves up and slid under the sheets, getting comfortable but not even touching. Hotch stared at the ceiling, feeling the usual sense of loss that Morgan could only be intimate sexually, together with an added sense of self deprecation. He was simply unable to push aside the realisation that even doing something so groundbreaking and out of his comfort zone couldn't crack Morgan's cool exterior for more than two seconds. 

To Hotch's surprise he found he didn't even want to talk about things right now, and he was the first to roll over and turn out the light that evening, getting as comfortable as he could though he knew that sleep would take a good few hours to claim him that night. He'd rarely felt so empty and alone; it didn't even register that Morgan was right next to him, sharing his bed but not sharing anything more.

\----------------------------------------------------------

It wasn't his alarm that woke him as he expected, or even the sound of Morgan trying to sneak out of the room without making a sound. It was the feeling of being empty. It clawed at his stomach, wound its way through his lungs and left him gasping for air, lurching enough to wake himself from sleep though he was always in a state of near exhaustion. Hotch didn't have to look to know that Morgan was gone, he could practically feel ice emanating from the spot the younger man had vacated at some point in the night, but when he reached over Hotch was surprised to actually feel the last signs of warmth against the sheets.

Sitting up in bed - and instantly regretting it because of his aching muscles - Hotch looked around the room and listened for the sound of the shower, knowing Morgan sometimes used it before he left. Nothing. He glanced at the bedside clock and blinked in surprise because it was barely 5am and far too early for Morgan to have left. Little insecurities niggled at the periphery of Hotch's mind, starting a spiral of panic that curled all the way to his gut. Maybe Morgan had been upset, hadn't really enjoyed it or thought Hotch was just doing it to placate him, and that had made him angry enough to leave. 

Reluctantly getting out of bed Hotch slipped into a navy dressing gown and padded out of his bedroom quietly, needing answers. If Morgan's jacket was gone then that was it. Nothing Hotch could do would make this anything more than casual, demeaning sex. The entire apartment was silent and shrouded in darkness, but when Hotch turned on the kitchen light he was surprised to see a dark figure sitting against the living room wall. Morgan didn't even look up as Hotch approached, his expression guarded and his arms slung over his knees protectively. With a small groan Hotch sat down on the floor against the wall right next to Morgan and crossed his legs, shuffling uncomfortably on the hard surface. They were silent for a long time, long enough for the sun to start shifting outside the windows and cast a little more light into the room.

"Why?" Morgan asked finally, his voice low and smooth. "Why did you do that Hotch?"

Hotch opened his mouth and then snapped it shut again. There were so many reasons, so many thought processes involved that any one answer seemed insufficient. 

"Because I wanted to. For both of us."

Morgan snorted derisively. "Because you felt guilty you mean."

"I have felt guilty, knowing i've hurt you," Hotch conceded. "But... you asked me for that. I didn't know how to ask you for this."

Morgan nodded for a second like he understood, but then his hands against his knees began to shake. He took a deep breath.

"What is this Hotch?" Morgan whispered, and Hotch could hear him licking his lips nervously, though he didn't dare to look.

"Whatever you want it to be,” Hotch said softly, “but I would like it... to be more."

Morgan was silent for several long seconds, and then he laughed gently. "Hotch, are you asking me out?"

"Do you want me to ask you out?" Hotch teased, feeling the blush before it hit his neck. To his surprise Morgan didn't take the easy way out and make another joke, he simply hung his head, shivering a little. It took him several attempts to say what he said next.

"You know what Carl did."

It wasn't a question, but gently Hotch nodded his head, and Morgan's shoulders tensed up even more. 

"Then you gotta know that I can't be with a guy like that. I can’t."

Hotch considered his next words carefully. "We could never have sex again if that's what you want, because it's not the sex i'm interested in.”

Morgan snorted derisively. "All guys want sex. I want sex. You don't have to pretend you want something more Hotch, and you don't have to be nice about it. It’s just fun. I'm consenting if that's what you're worried about."

Hotch shook his head grimly. "No. I cant do that anymore, that's not what I want. I... it took a lot of... to..."

Morgan nodded, letting Hotch know he understood, and then his forehead gently slumped against his knees and he groaned. 

"It was your first time, wasn't it?"

"Yes,” Hotch admitted. “Does that upset you?"

"Of course it does, I didn't know!" Morgan spat bitterly, turning to look at Hotch for the first time in hours. "You knew what you were doing, you seemed calm, I just... I wouldn't have let you if I knew."

"Like you said, I'm contenting if that's what you're worried about."

Morgan looked torn for a second and then he shuffled uncomfortably and pressed his shoulder against Hotch's. A small gesture of comfort and apology, but it was more than Hotch had thought possible at this point. He leaned a little closer too until they were supporting each others weight, just leaning together in the morning light.

"Dinner. Tonight. I'll cook," Hotch finally said, not sure how to express all the things he wanted to say, and definitely having no idea how to express the things he didn't. 

Morgan let the offer hang in the air for a few moments before he asked, "that depends, what're we having?"

Hotch laughed gently and Morgan smirked, shaking his head. When Hotch's sore body couldn't take the hard floor for another moment he grunted and got to his feet, turning to offer his hand to Morgan. He didn't expect Morgan to accept but the younger man grasped his forearm and hauled himself up, unsteady on his dead legs. Hotch didn't realise how close they were until Morgan's pupils dilated, and then his own body tingled with anticipation as they just stood there looking at each other, fingers slipping from their forearm hold until they were simply touching each others skin and enjoying the closeness. 

Morgan looked so innocent in that moment, so unsure and insecure, and without thinking Hotch leaned forward and kissed Morgan's lips in a gentle touch that conveyed so much more than any of the bruise-hard kisses they're shared before. This kiss wasn't simply out of lust, it carried far more meaning. It was a promise of things to come, whatever they might be.


End file.
